Exercises to Calm Your Anxious Thoughts (No Zen Required)
Your brain’s a wild jungle right now—twisting thoughts, constant noise, that one conversation you had with Karen from accounting five years ago. I get it. But don’t worry, you can tame that beast. Here’s how to wrestle your anxiety into submission without any of that “silent room” nonsense.
The Breathe and Chill (No, Really). You’re gonna breathe. Don’t roll your eyes, it works. Inhale like you’re about to scream and then sloooowly exhale. Repeat until you’re not thinking about every embarrassing moment of your life. (Or at least trying not to.)
Talk to Your Thoughts (Out Loud). I’m not saying you’re crazy (but like, maybe you’re onto something). Tell those thoughts “Thanks, but not today!” Seriously, start talking to your brain. If it’s being extra annoying, just say, “I’m done listening to you.” Weird? Totally. But effective? You bet.
Get Moving (Like a Spastic Chicken). If you can’t sit still, don’t. Take a walk, do jumping jacks, flail your arms around like you’re in a dance-off. Movement helps. Your anxiety won’t know what hit it.
The Magical 5-Minute Time-Out. Set a timer for five minutes, then do whatever comes to mind. Maybe it’s watching cat videos, maybe it’s screaming into a pillow—whatever helps. Just commit to those five minutes and let yourself go full chaos.
The Power of Distraction (AKA Do Something Absurd). Make a sandwich. Try that weird yoga pose you saw on TikTok. If you’re really feeling bold, text your ex. Anxiety loves focus, so give it something shiny to distract it.
You Are NOT Your Thoughts (Remember That). Seriously. Don’t let your brain bully you. You’re allowed to feel anxious, but you don’t need to become it. Think of yourself as the bouncer at your own party, and those thoughts are just unwanted guests.
So go ahead, give these a try. But whatever you do, don’t aim for perfection. You’re just here to survive, maybe laugh a little, and give that anxiety a run for its money.
